How to make a BS sandwich? Ask the propagandists ... the serious strategists who worked hard to serve just that

How to make out of surrender/treason (Minsk) a BS sandwich is a challenge on which Washington and Moscow have been working for a year or so now.

Here are some solutions to how to square the circle, which has been tried so far:

1. Surrender is victory.
2. There are no other options or solutions. This is the only way.
3. Leaders of Donbass, whom we put in power there, want it themselves.
4. Surrender allows for a direct dialogue.
5. Ukraine and its sovereignty uber alles.
6. Novorossiya was nothing but a CIA project. To defeat Novorossiya means to defeat the CIA.
7. Putin said so. (Alternatively: Lavrov thinks so).
8. Did you know that Poroshenko, I mean, Pyotr Alkseyevich, is actually a very likeable partner and a man of peace?
9. What people of Donbass want when they did not listen to Putin in the first place?
10. The people of Donbass did not rise to fight the way the people of Crimea did.
11. People of Donbass are merely asking for a few administrative reforms, "nothing special." That's also all we are asking for. In fact, "we are not [even] asking Kiev for anything" (Putin at the Economic Forum in St.Petersburg).
12. The problem of Nazism is really about ISIS, I mean, the Islamic State and its threat to Medina and Mecca, which has been ISIS' main and ultimate threat. That's what we need to focus on. Saudi Arabia thus needs to be assisted by all the countries of the Middle East. That's what we are thus asking Syria to do.
13. The more we assist Kiev and the more our gas to the Kiev regime is, the greater the chance that soon Ukrainians will like us again and also the greater the chance that the Kiev regime will quickly collapse on its own. You just need to give them more time, more gas, and more sovereignty.
14. Once under Kiev's sovereign rule, the people of Donbass would be able to vote for the Nazis and the Banderite oligarchic parties in free and fair elections organized by the Kiev regime. The Donbass people should have thought of this simple and easy way of how to overthrow the Maidan regime before. "Everybody knows" (c) that this would almost surely work.
15. Anyone trying to resist the Nazis state should do so strictly within the Nazi laws and the Nazi constitutions and under their sovereign rule. All else is irresponsible.
16. We have never supported anyone's independence from the Bandera junta and this new NATO colony. Never by action or by word. Never.
17. The less Russia resists Nazification of Ukraine and NATO's aggressive expansion into/to Russia, the less NATO will feel like doing it.
18. Resisting Nazism in Ukraine would set a dangerous precedent and imperil Russia's own existence.
19.  Fighting Nazism or Ukrainian oligarchs is not worth it. And we, together with Putin, told you so. Already a year ago. It is not our or his fault that I can't read his lips.
20. True classic: Russia cannot really stand up for her interests and the Russians in Ukraine for "that's exactly what the West wants" (c). So Russia needs to do the opposite. The opposite of protecting the Russians and thus she would do the opposite of the West wants her to do.
21. The last thing Russia wants is to provoke the West. If Russia doesn't provoke the West, the West will lose and Russia will win--by doing as little as possible for herself or the Russians.
22. Imagine what the Western press would write about us if we dare to stand up for our interests!